I said in my last post about seeing God work in our lives this past year. I feel like maybe I should have expounded on that a little. As you know if you've been following this blog, my dad died this summer.
Last year he had surgery that was really a miracle. We didn't think it would be able to happen, and it did, and although he wasn't as cured as we first thought, we did get an extra year with him, which I am thankful for. Also, I've really seen God in the way dad died. He wasn't in pain. He was home on hospice, and he lasted several weeks longer than the doctors predicted, so we were able to truly say goodbye. He knew he was on his way to Heaven, so it was a very peaceful passing. We had a lot of visitors and did a lot of singing. I still have a little trouble singing sometimes now, but not in a bad way.
Before all this I had been going through a spiritual dry spell. I have a brother who developed some health issues a few years ago and (I know this doesn't make sense) I blamed myself for that. I'd had some problems a number of years before that had similar symptoms but a really different cause, and I felt like that kept my parents from getting him the right help as quickly as they might otherwise have done. It's hard to trust God when you're blaming yourself for things that you can't do anything about. Seeing God at work while dad was dying helped me accept that first off, there honestly are things I can't control so I need to not hold myself accountable for them, and second -God could have healed my dad. I realized that after the surgery. It was such a miracle that Dad was able to have it. God chose to take dad home instead, but he could have healed him. So he could have healed my brother, too. He just chose not to. And that means I can't blame myself that my brother has health issues.
I'm not saying I've suddenly become a fatalist and think all I ever have to do is sit around twiddling my thumbs while God works around me (though that would be nice. Thumb Twiddling: new favorite sport!) I just believe that the things outside my control are not outside of His.