I said in my last post about seeing God work in our lives this past year. I feel like maybe I should have expounded on that a little. As you know if you've been following this blog, my dad died this summer.
Last year he had surgery that was really a miracle. We didn't think it would be able to happen, and it did, and although he wasn't as cured as we first thought, we did get an extra year with him, which I am thankful for. Also, I've really seen God in the way dad died. He wasn't in pain. He was home on hospice, and he lasted several weeks longer than the doctors predicted, so we were able to truly say goodbye. He knew he was on his way to Heaven, so it was a very peaceful passing. We had a lot of visitors and did a lot of singing. I still have a little trouble singing sometimes now, but not in a bad way.
Before all this I had been going through a spiritual dry spell. I have a brother who developed some health issues a few years ago and (I know this doesn't make sense) I blamed myself for that. I'd had some problems a number of years before that had similar symptoms but a really different cause, and I felt like that kept my parents from getting him the right help as quickly as they might otherwise have done. It's hard to trust God when you're blaming yourself for things that you can't do anything about. Seeing God at work while dad was dying helped me accept that first off, there honestly are things I can't control so I need to not hold myself accountable for them, and second -God could have healed my dad. I realized that after the surgery. It was such a miracle that Dad was able to have it. God chose to take dad home instead, but he could have healed him. So he could have healed my brother, too. He just chose not to. And that means I can't blame myself that my brother has health issues.
I'm not saying I've suddenly become a fatalist and think all I ever have to do is sit around twiddling my thumbs while God works around me (though that would be nice. Thumb Twiddling: new favorite sport!) I just believe that the things outside my control are not outside of His.
I believe God has reasons for a lot of things that happen. We just don't know all the ramifications that He's aware of. It's still hard when someone is taken from us long before we hoped they'd have to go. {small smile}
ReplyDelete{sigh}
{BIG HUGS, BIG SQUEEZES}
Anne Elizabeth Baldwin
Thanks. And I know you've been feeling that a lot this year too. (Hugs back.)
ReplyDeleteThanks. It's been a rough year for both of us, hasn't it? {worn smile, HUGS BACK}
DeleteAnne Elizabeth Baldwin
You can say that again! I'm usually fine, but every once in awhile I'll just get blindsided.
ReplyDeleteI think I know what you mean. I can't say most days are fine yet, but... I feel like a four-legged stool with only three legs. When things go well, I'm okay, but it doesn't take much to send me tumbling again. {resigned half-smile}
DeleteAnne Elizabeth Baldwin
Yeah, I know what you mean. I was doing great, and now suddenly I'm just... I feel like a wrung out dishrag.
ReplyDelete{HUGS, SQUEEZES}
DeleteThat's all too good a description of me recently as well. Monday started okay, but ended badly, and yesterday... Well, The Big Island Recorder Society met, and things went well while they were here. However, the after-guests let-down combined with my previous mood... not good. I hope I'm pulling myself out of it again, but I'll be relieved when I don't have keep doing this. {resigned look}
{sympathetic look, MORE HUGS}
Anne Elizabeth Baldwin
The let down after a big event, I hadn't thought of that. That's something that gets a person down at the best of times. (Glances warily at the future day after Christmas.) Big Island Recorder Society, is that a wind orchestra? (I'm proud of myself for knowing that a recorder is a musical instrument and not just a small tape player with a record button.) Hope you get good rest and don't run yourself down too much. That's something I've been having to watch for my own self. (Hugs back.)
ReplyDeleteYeah, I find normal let-downs like after an event just get magnified these days. I hope your Christmas went well, and this problem didn't crop up too much. For me, it worked out. We like low-key Christmases anyway, and it's followed on the 27th by my parents' wedding anniversary. So it doesn't build up too much, and kind of eases off. {Smile}
ReplyDeleteYes, the Big Island Recorder Society is a wind orchestra. At least if you can call five friends who get together every couple of weeks and may not remember to practice in between an orchestra. Maybe it's a chamber orchestra. {Smile}
I'm impressed you know the recorder is a wind instrument. Not many do unless they're into folk music or early music (Medieval, Renaissance, and Baroque era music). Those are the main types of the music where it's used. It's technically a kind of flute that sticks out forward-and-down instead of off to the side like standard flutes. Four of us play them; the fifth prefers to bring her transverse (sideways) flute instead. They harmonize nicely as long as she doesn't play too loud. {Smile}
Anne Elizabeth Baldwin
P.S. (I hope this is a second post. {Smile})
ReplyDeleteThanks. {Smile, HUGS BACK} I think I'm getting better at pacing myself. I hope you're getting better at it, too. {SMILE, SQUEEZE}
Anne Elizabeth Baldwin
Sorry I didn't find your comments sooner. I was busy with the holidays! I'm glad you're getting better at pacing yourself. Right after Christmas wasn't a let-down after all. I think the holidays have been winding down a bit gradually, especially since we still have so much Christmas candy around. :)
ReplyDeleteA five person wind ensemble sounds like fun. One of my brothers in a music major, so I pick up some things about music by osmosis. :) He plays the flute, and the recorder some. (And piano. And anything else he can get his hands on.) I see why the flute might drown out the recorders if the player wasn't careful. It is a different type of sound than the recorder, which seems mellower.
Oh good. I'm glad you didn't have a let-down after Christmas. If Christmas candy helps, great! {SMILE, wink}
DeleteYes, a five person wind ensemble is pretty fun. Tho we'll be down to four in a few weeks. One member is leaving to be with her family for a bit over a year. We'll have one more practice and a farewell party for her. We'll miss her, but this has happened before. So we're used to it. {Smile}
That's neat about your brother. Sounds like he's quite a musician. I hope that's going well for him. {SMILE}
Yes, the recorder is softer, and I think the overtones are mellower. At least some people hear them as playing an octave lower than they actually do. Even a past organist at our church insisted they were lower. {Amused Smile, wink}
Anne Elizabeth Baldwin
My brother is a lot of fun. :) I'm glad your friend taking some time off for family won't disrupt the group. Huh, I'd never heard that about sounding an octave lower to some people before. That's interesting.
ReplyDeleteYour brother does sound like fun. {Smile}
DeleteWell, our friend taking time off for her family will disrupt the group as little as possible. It wouldn't if all four had reliable transportation to meetings. Unfortunately, one member lives out of town, and his car seems to be getting less than reliable. This complicates things, but we'll do the best we can. {Smile}
I didn't really realize about recorders sounding lower to some folks until the organist before our current organist insisted that the recorders were lower than I know they are. I was particularly surprised to hear that from a professional musician. (Or what passes for one in Hilo. He played the organ for us, gave music lessons, and taught music in some of the elementary schools around town, so he made ends meet thru music.) {Smile}
Anne Elizabeth Baldwin
It's amazing how much transportation gets to be an issue. I hope you guys are able to work it out. :)
ReplyDeleteYeah. I hope our friend gets a new car. That would make things easier for him far beyond just getting to recorder meetings. {Smile}
DeleteThat would be good. :)
ReplyDelete